Fit for Motherhood

I frequently wonder why I'm not married and I tell myself all the standard answers. But this weekend, I thought it might be because I'm not fit for motherhood and this is why. My poor roommate that works with pre-school children with disabilities finally got H1N1. We both knew that it was inevitable and were hoping that I would be able to get my vaccine at work soon enough not to end up sick too and that she would get a mild case. Well she didn't get a mild case, but I got my vaccine in plenty of time to not get sick(knock on wood) Friday night she started getting sick and by Saturday she was in rough shape, but managing with plenty of Tylenol and fluids. And then the symptoms got worst and her fever spiked and then she as complaining of chest pains and I was very scared. Because I work for the provincial health authority I get all the scary details that don't get released to the media. So I called one of the medical residents in the ward and asked if he could come and give her a blessing and give me advice what to do. As an aside, I'm very grateful for all the women who let their husbands serve. I know that it can be a real sacrifice. After they left, I felt reassured that I was doing what I needed to to help her and I knew exactly what to look for as my sign to immediately go to the hospital. But has the night progressed and her fever got worst I was very scared. I hardly slept and spent the night alternating between monitoring her breathing and temperature, listening to her weeping in pain and know that here was nothing that I could do and praying that she was going to be alright and I would know what to do. Now I love my roommate, but I don't love her like you love a child and I wonder if I'm cut out to suffer that much. Finally when her fever broke it was such a relief, but I kept wondering if I could have handled a night like that 4 times over. I have no idea what the answer is but I'm glad my roommate is going to be fine.